It Was Gouda for Me Amsterdam, The Netherlands http://www.iamsterdam.com/en/

Places You Have to See

The Red Light District legal sex shops and brothels.  No photos please.

The canals a must to go a canal cruises.

City Tour great way to see houses on canal and boat houses moored in canals

Rijks Museum https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/

Van Gogh Museum http://www.vangoghmuseum.nl/en

The Anne Frank Museum http://www.amsterdam.info/museums/anne_frank_house/

The Mint

Tulip Festival in the spring

Windmills outside city

Wind turbines off coast visible on flight into city

Things You Need to Know

Flemish/Dutch speaking but most speak some English

Very clean canals water is flushed several times per week

Very friendly and hospitable

Euro is the currency

Many hotel chains here

Dutch cheese is amazing.

The bicycles never before had I seen so many.  Just remember bicycles have way not pedestrians.

Just remember rules have changed and foreigners can no longer do drugs freely here.

Double salted licorice buy it here.

Blue and white pottery http://www.delftpottery.com/  is a great souvenir or gift.

On my escorted bus tour to Europe I met Tippy.  Tippy was travelling with her daughter and son-in-law from Arizona.  Everyone who meets Tippy loves her.  She’s wise, warm, caring, funny, and feisty and doesn’t act her age.  We had just arrived in Amsterdam and done a bit of a city tour.  We had time before our canal cruise and dinner to investigate the Red Light District.  Short time so we couldn’t get into too much trouble.  Prostitution is legal and regulated by the government.  Some drugs are legal although now not for tourists.  Tippy had already been taking pictures she shouldn’t at the border crossing in Calais so why should I be surprised.  You are not supposed to take pictures of the sex workers who sit in front in windows with the curtains open.  Tippy did.  She was yelled at and had them ducking for cover and curtains being closed but then she also had a 50ish lady pose for her.  Tippy was having a great time.  I was wondering why there weren’t men in the windows.  Fair is fair and since I’m going to hell anyways I thought I’d ask.  Then we went into some sex shops and if you have to ask you probably don’t want to know but it was far better than 50 shades of boring.  No need to inhale deeply walking by the bakeries.  Then the most fun we had was just outside the Red Light District in what our guide called the best candy shop in the city.  So we were the proverbial kids in a candy store.  The canal cruise was prefect.  Bicycles, hundred year old houses and house boats line the canals.  It is also customary in the Netherlands to leave your leaving room curtains open and have something like flowers or sculpture for people to look at.  The canals are pristine and several swans call it home.  Dinner was all you could expect from a Dutch host.  Cheese galore to start and ended with a Dutch pancake dessert.  Sweet memories.

OH LA LA Paris, France The city of love.

Places You Have to See

Eiffel Tower beautiful at night and impressive in the day. http://www.toureiffel.paris/  Please don’t buy the cheaper souvenirs from the illegal vendors.

Versailles http://www.chateauversailles.fr/homepage

Moulin Rouge http://www.moulinrouge.fr/

Boat ride on the Seine

The Louvre http://www.louvre.fr/en   

Miniature Statue of Liberty

Notre Dame

Sacre Coeur

Things You Need to Know

Croissants are sent here from heaven.  It’s against the law to sell day old bread in France.  Vive la France!

Euro is currency.

French speaking although most people speak English or another language.

Drive on the right side.

People are friendly is you are willing to try to speak French.

Dress to impress no sweat pants here.  Some places actually have a dress code.

Not all French Champagnes created equally.

Hotels are expensive but it’s worth the extra money to be close to the attractions.

Dinner is late.  Not unusual to eat past 8pm.

Metro is great public transportation.

Lines are the norm at attractions.  Buy tickets in advance or book as a group to avoid.

You’ve seen in a million times on TV leaving England on a ferry White Cliffs of Dover rising from the sea but in reality fog, grey, what cliffs I didn’t see any cliffs for a stomach churning ferry crossing across the English Channel.

We were warned by our tour guide that customs would pull people off the bus because they have to rationalize so many people working there.  I yelled out, “If you see an ugly ass suitcase let me know.”  “Janice!”  Are you kidding me?  I get off the bus and meet the officer checking out my suitcase.  Tippy illegally takes photos of my search and posts them on line.  Tippy is a character.  Senior citizen fire cracker from Arizona.  It’s not just my suit case it’s a complete and I mean oh la la complete pat down by a female customs officer.  I return to the bus no worse for wear and I express annoyance and embarrassment to my touchy situation.  When asked if I would have preferred a male customs official.  I tell them at least I would have gotten dinner if I had.  Everyone laughs and it’s time to continue our European experience.

Lions and Tigers and Bears Oh My Africa-on-foot the Greater Kruger

Places You Have to See

Nelson Mandel boyhood home same street as Desmond Tutu’s

Robben Island

Tambo Airport

Voortrekker Monument

Outdoor Market barter but don’t be insulting.

Krugger National Park

Pretoria

Cape Town

Add on a trip to Victoria Falls

Diamond Mine

Safari or visit a local zoo.

Things You Need to Know

South African Rand is currency the exchange varies it is best to check.

There is an age requirement for most safaris.

Official languages Afrikaans, English, Zulu, Xhosa, Swati, Tsonga, Southern Sotho, Tswana, Venda, Northern Sotho, Ndebele

People are very friendly and helpful

Drinking water is safe. 

Well known hotels are expensive but a very good idea.

It is a long flight that requires a connection.

You need to carry a copy of your flight itinerary and have two facing blank pages in your passport.

Guided tours are best.

Not all tourist sights are wheel chair accessible.

It can be cold at night.

Try local cuisine.

Check about malaria medication.  Bring a mosquito net for sleeping.  Have vaccines up to date.

Yellow fever vaccination is only required by visitors from certain countries.

Check under and in and all around your bed before turning in at night.

Check safety concerns before you leave and adhere to rules at all times.  Crime is high in some areas. www.travel.gc.ca

The train from the Tambo International Airport is safe and easy to use.  Do not under any circumstances use other trains.

Hired drivers booked through your travel agent are a great idea.  Traffic accidents are frequent.

Do not let strangers touch your luggage.

Some areas are very poor.

At least one person on your flight will buy a very large wooden giraffe.

I arrived at Johannesburg late at night.  I had a driver picking me up very early in the morning from a prearranged location in the airport.  Because I was cheap I stayed up in a restaurant in the Tambo International Airport drinking coffee and reading a book.  I had emailed ahead to ask and was told many travelers do that.  They were very friendly and kept an eye on me.  They had all sorts of questions about snow as they had never seen it before.  They laughed as I attempted some Zulu.  Most South Africans speak two or more languages.  I met my driver and we headed out for our six hour journey.  We stopped at a service centre along the way and it’s just like home if you ignore the guard with the huge gun at the door and the rhinos and giraffes in a mini zoo behind the building.  We arrive at our destination safely.  Some truck we passed on the road have 20 people sitting in the back and people randomly run out onto the highway so it was good to arrive in one piece.  Welcome to Africa-on-foot.   I’m introduced to the owner and the guide Rein.  What do I want to see?  A hippopotamus.  Why do Canadians always want to see a hippo?  Obviously they did not see the Telus commercial.  I had changed my plans to come here last minute because I was supposed to go to Killamanjaro then South Africa to see friends.  I was worried about travelling alone through Kenya being white and female.  They had just updated the travel advisory to include improvised explosives and day light kidnappings.  I did not want to sleep with my back up against the doorway in my hotel waiting for daylight.  I was taken to my house it was so cool I had two bedrooms and bathroom better than the one at my house (minus the two harmless lizards) it was very comfortable and the ladies that worked there were very accommodating and friendly.  When I left they called me Mama which my friend told me was a sign of respect and I was very happy I made a good impression.  Right away we when out for a drive and saw all sorts of animals; rhinoceros, giraffe and elephants.  It was epic.  We came back and ate and then some time around the fire and bed.  My first night I was fast asleep and there was this huge windstorm.  My door flew open and I rushed out of bed to close it.  It was pitch black and I could see.  I called out for help but couldn’t hear myself over the wind.  I tried to call for help for what seemed forever.  Maybe not such a good idea.  There was no way I was walking around Africa in the dark the houses are too far apart and I’m not that stupid.  Snakes, spiders and all sorts of bitey things.  Lions and tigers and bears oh my.  Of course I’m trying to hold the door closed when I see something outside the kitchen building.  I found out later there is a honey badger that likes to try to break in and attempt to steal food.  Now I’m seriously shitting my pants.  So I had to think quickly.  In the dark I unplugged the fan (generator not on at night) and wrapped the cord through the door handle and placed a chair strategically in the corner all the while trying to keep the door shut.  The cord wrapped around me and the chair.  Guess what?  My first night in Africa was spent sleeping (sort of) with my back up against the door.  The next morning the sun was shining I was still alive my door was fixed and the adventure continued.

The Greater Kruger borders the Kruger National Park and is a collection of private unfenced reserves.  I was lucky enough to go here to Africa-on-foot and it was the experience of a lifetime.  http://www.africaonfoot.com/.  Fly into Johannesburg and you are driven northeast hours until you reach your destination.  You stay in chalets or be more adventurous and spend the night in the treehouse.  I did!  It was worth it even if I did share a double bed with two other quests.  Not quite brave enough to do it alone.  You have the opportunity to do a hiking safari or the traditional driving safari.  In the afternoon/evening drive you do a driving safari.  The food is the best I’ve ever had.

Haggis Hell NO!  Edinburgh, Scotland

Edinburgh, Scotland http://www.visitscotland.com/en-ca/destinations-maps/edinburgh-lothians/

Places You Have to See

Edinburgh Castle is the beginning of the Royal Mile.

Gretna Green is a town famous for elopements.

Palace of Holyroodhouse the Queen’s official residence in Scotland at the other end of the Royal Mile.

The Royal Mile shopping and dining.

Rosslyn Chapel http://www.rosslynchapel.org.uk/ The Earl and Countess of Rosslyn and the established Rosslyn Chapel Trust look after the beautiful ornate private chapel that still holds private service on Sundays.  It is elegantly carved including the Apprentice Pillar which was finished by the apprentice who was murdered upon the master stonemasons return from Rome.  The Apprentice’s head is also craved in the Chapel.  It is eerie and sends chills down your spine perhaps because it is also legend that The Holy Grail is located there.  Maybe due to the movie, “The Da Vinci Code” http://www.danbrown.com/the-davinci-code/  but the fact that something is in the cellar underground and the owners refuse to reveal it adds to the mystery.

Greyfriar’s Bobby a monument to a Skye terrier who stayed at his owner’s grave for years only leaving for a daily meal until his own death.

The Scottish Parliament the new building was opened in 2004.  It is located near The Royal Mile and borders Holyrood Park.  It isn’t the most attractive piece of architecture and my tour guide compared it to strewn matchsticks.

Things You Need to Know

Scottish Pounds are used as currency.  Same exchange as British Pounds and if using British Pounds change received in Scottish Pounds.

English speaking but very heavy accents.  People use “aye” here like Canadians use “eh”.

Drive on left.

Hogmanay is Scottish New Year’s Eve and it’s a huge party where you buy a bottle and share with others.

It’s a great place to stay in a castle that’s converted into a hotel.

Buy your sweaters and kilts here.

Fire cannon at 1pm instead of noon in Edinburgh because they’re frugal not cheap.

Most pubs the toilets are in the basement so don’t get too drunk before using them it could lead to falls.

Don’s ask why the sheep have all sorts of bright ink all over them.  Just don’t.

Haggis and neeps/mash is a tradition.  It’s a sheep’s stomach filled with ground sheep organs and oatmeal—like meatloaf served with mashed turnip and potatoes.  All I can say if thank God for Scottish Whisky.  Bagpipes traditionally pipe the haggis in its not bad if it’s a good piper if it’s a bad piper alcohol makes it better.

They say that freezing to death is the most peaceful way to die.  You slowly start to drift off to sleep.  Well in Scotland I visited Rosslyn Chapel the famous secretive privately owned chapel alleged to hold the Holy Grail as eluded to in “The Da Vinci Code” http://www.danbrown.com/the-davinci-code/ .  Well it is beautiful, incredible detail, mysterious carvings and probably the single most creepy ass (as in hairs on the back of my neck standing up) place in the world I’ve ever been to.  We sat there in pews and it was colder inside than out and you could actually feel it getting colder.  I couldn’t concentrate on what the guide was saying.  I couldn’t keep my eyes open.  I seriously thought I’d freeze to death right there—serves you right non-believer.  Snap out of it.  I haven’t been creeped out enough yet.  Let’s go down the teeny tiny stairs into the crypts.  Why?  Do we have to?  Low ceilings even for me and I have this claustrophobic thought they’ll lock us in.  What else is buried down there?  Holy Grail?  Aliens?  Who cares!  Time to get out and go back to the land of the living or at least the gift shop and get a post card.  I feel so much better outside sun shining.  The cemetery outside almost seems cheerful compared to where we’ve been.  All kidding aside it’s not far from Edinburgh and you really should go there.  I however would rather sleep up against the door in my room.  Another time another story.

Get Your Fanny Down Under to Sydney, Australia

I did the Sydney Harbour Bridge Climb http://www.bridgeclimb.com/?gclid=COuwuoiYucMCFcECaQodr7gAhg  the first time I went to Australia.  It was on my bucket list.  I was supposed to do it with a friend who lives there but he had a change of heart.  I met a fellow traveler from Perth so I invited her to go with me. 

Once there you have to sign your life away and take a breathalyzer.  Then they give you a suit to change into.  The guide said, “Just leave your socks and underwear on.” This will be important later. 

So we are almost all complete strangers and we are killing ourselves laughing because we know we only have socks and underwear on under this shiny lightweight suit. 

Then we get on gloves, hats, audio sets, belts with packs that have fleece sweaters in them to wear later if we get cold.  Everything we were wearing clipped onto our suits.  All ready and head out.  Get clipped onto line—very safe very easy anyone can do it—and off we go. 

Obviously not so easy I forgot how to climb ladders without banging my legs and I know I’m black and blue.  We cross over the highway below and this is getting to be cool. 

It’s easy walking but September is spring in Australia and its a little cold getting to the top in just my underwear and shiny suit.  We’re all getting cold to which the guide states he didn’t tell us we had to take all of our clothes off.  Seriously he is the only asshole I’ve met in Australia. 

We do photos at the top with the Opera House in the background and a group photo.  We are on the Sunset Climb so we watch a small plane fly within reach over our heads and into the sunset.  Its jaw dropping amazing up here and so quiet. 

I’m cold.  I have to pee.  I said to my new friend, “Open my fanny and get my fleece out.  Ah come on. It’s big just reach in with both hands and grab it.”  She’s laughing hysterically.  Tears are running down her face.  I said, “Grab my fanny!”  “Stop, stop,” she said.  She gives me my cozy fleece.  I’m good with life now.  She stops crying with laughter and she tells me that fanny in Australia is a vagina and proceeds with a long list of other vagina slang words just in case I didn’t know them.  Word to the wise, a fanny in South Africa is also a vagina.  Point taken. 

Laughing, we head back down the bridge.  Our time watching the sun set was sweet and short lived.  Holy f*** it’s so dark getting down.  Think really think.  If you go up in daylight to watch the sun set what did you think would happen. 

In total it was over four hours to do it and it has to be booked ahead of time.  You need to arrive early to do the safety briefing and breathalyzer, suit up, wait after for your photos to print and of course browse in the gift shop.  I wouldn’t recommend just showing up.  I would highly recommend that you do this.  Just maybe do the Day Climb.

Places You Have to See

Sydney Opera House http://www.sydneyoperahouse.com/homepage.aspx?gclid=CK7vipqWucMCFQ4waQodiL0Amg

Sydney Harbour Bridge http://www.australia.gov.au/about-australia/australian-story/sydney-harbour-bridge

Sydney Aquarium http://www.sydneyaquarium.com.au/

Sydney Tower http://www.sydneytowereye.com.au/

Darling Harbour http://www.darlingharbour.com/

The Rocks http://www.sydney.com/destinations/sydney/sydney-city/the-rocks?gclid=CLjfhb-WucMCFYY_aQodXxQA0g

Sydney Wildlife Park http://www.wildlifesydney.com.au/?gclid=CNnm182WucMCFQovaQodDTMABA

Australia Museum http://australianmuseum.net.au/

Boat cruise of harbor on a Captain Cook cruise http://www.captaincook.com.au/

Day trip to the Blue Mountains http://www.viator.com/Sydney-attractions/Blue-Mountains-tours-tickets/d357-a290?pref=02&aid=g2059&gclid=CLjmjpiXucMCFZI0aQodgEoAcg

Ferry ride to Manly Island to see fairy (Little) penguins at night http://www.manlyaustralia.com.au/

If you have a few days

Great Ocean Road, Victoria Australia http://www.visitmelbourne.com/Regions/Great-Ocean-Road.aspx.  One of the most breath taking drives in the world.  It takes you along the Australian coast to the 12 Apostles.  Leave Melbourne and drive to Warrnambool. Stop at the 12 Apostles Visitor Centre in Port Campbell National Park.  There are magnificent rock limestone formations.  They used to be called Sow and Piglets but 12 Apostles sounds and sells much better.  They never was 12.  There was more but due to erosion they will eventually disappear.  They are best viewed from above by a 15 minute helicopter ride.  http://www.12apostleshelicopters.com.au/  Farther up the coast is London Bridge which like the children’s song fell down.  It actually fell down leaving a man and woman stranded there until rescued fuelling gossip when they left before being interviewed by the press.  Rendez vous gone wrong?  Melbourne is only a 45 minute flight from Sydney.

Things You Need to Know

A Visa is required by Canadian travelers.

It is a long flight and jet lag will happen but it’s worth it.

Australian dollar similar in value to Canadian but there change is $2, $1, $.50, $.20, $.10, and $.05.  Like Canada pennies are no longer is circulation.

English speaking.

Very friendly and helpful.  An Australian slang dictionary is a good thing to carry.

Drive on the left.

Australian made products have a green and yellow tag.

Do not buy Fosters beer in Australia.  It’s mainly exported and for tourists.  Try something local on draft.

Wide variety of accommodations such as Sheraton, Hilton, Ibis, Australian chains, B&Bs, cruises and hostels.  I have stayed at international and Australian hotels and I found a gem in Sydney The Grace Hotel.  I highly recommend it.

Tipping or gratuities are not required or expected.

Multi-cultural and a wide variety of dining options in cities.  In smaller towns it is more difficult to find healthy options.

Trains, ferries, taxis and walking are all options.  In Sydney you can even buy a hop on hop off pass for the ferry.

Buy an attraction pass on line before you leave.  It usually is good for a few attractions but is time specific.  It is cheaper and saves you time in line.